Foods of Iowa: Part 1 - Mexican

Most of the time I tell everyone how awesome Iowa is and how pleased I am with the move. Almost everything is less expensive, people are nicer, the land is beautiful, and it is an amazing experience overall. Cookies Sauces & Seasonings are made right up the road and are a local favorite. The sweet corn, pork, and beef are delicious. That said, no place is perfect - so I bring to you my experience thus far with Foods of Iowa.

Let's just get this out of the way first: Mexican food. Mexican restaurants in Iowa are not Mexican and are not palatable. For almost two weeks after arriving here, I was too scared to try one though I craved Tacos Jerez, El Chinaco, Jalapenos, Morenos, Panchos, and The Taco Co. from back home. Many people raved about El Jimador in uptown Denison so I finally decided - against my better judgment - to go there. Californians, I tried to think of a restaurant for comparison but nothing is that bad in SoCal (and that's from someone who doesn't like Don Jose, Acapulco, or Taco Bell). Menu: had definitions of basic terms on the back (tortilla, taco, burrito, salsa) and many appeared incorrect, such as guacamole being described as an avocado. Chips: decent. Salsa: extremely mild, thick like tomato paste, basically disgusting. Beef taco: not carne asada and not even shredded or ground beef - more like powdered beef in a FLOUR tortilla -wrong! Rice: white rice with PEAS AND CARROTS IN IT!? Beans: meh. Taco, enchilada: I can't even continue. I left with both disappointment and nausea.

Mexican junk food: this is my own category of foods that are related to Mexican foods, but clearly Americanized for snack bar purposes. Let's start with Taco in a Bag. Taco in a Bag is at least entertaining, though in no way a taco. I think my sister-in-law in ND described it to me once and so I tried it at an auction. Start with a small bag of Doritos, then slice the edge off one side with scissors. When asked, "Do you want everything on it?" reply, "I don't know, I've never had one!" Crunch up the chips and scoop seasoned ground beef, grated cheese, and chopped lettuce and tomatoes into the bag. Top with taco sauce and eat with a plastic fork. It tastes exactly how it sounds. Then there are the nachos. I ordered "nachos, please" at the race track. To my befuddlement the gal asked, "Nachos with cheese?" What? How do I even respond to that? What does that even mean? I kept it cool and said, "yes." Then she asked me AGAIN. After another yes I got my chips with cheese sauce, which tasted fairly normal. Luckily it is hard to mess up canned nacho cheese. Knowing I loved Cookies barbecue sauce, I loaded up on Cookies salsa at the condiment bar. Amateur move, as it tasted like cocktail sauce and I will never eat it again. On a side note, I was at a restaurant when someone ordered nachos and they actually came out from the kitchen with snack bar nacho cheese on them instead of real cheese. Unusual at best.

Now for the miscellaneous Mexican foods. First, no one out here likes jalapenos, nor can they pronounce the word. Overheard at Subway: "I don't want any hal-uh-peeeee-nose on my sandwich." And they say it with such disgust like someone is putting manure on their food. Next, we have Taco Pizza or as I call it, Stale Doritos Pizza. Many people enjoy this, yet I prefer to keep my Mexican and Italian foods segregated. It is a pizza crust topped with refried beans followed by the exact contents of Taco in a Bag, only this time Cool Ranch rather than Nacho Cheese Doritos. It also tastes exactly how it sounds, so if this is making you hungry head on down to Pizza Ranch or any gas station because most of them cook pizza. Last (in my experience so far) is Pizza Taco. I have asked several people what this entails and it sounds something like a bad calzone. Needless to say, I have not tried it due to my experience with other "Mexican" foods. Then again, it has nothing at all to do with a taco so maybe it is good? Nah, I'll wait for Peppino bread or stromboli on my next visit to California. Mmmm...NOW I'm getting hungry!

Copyright Rachel Burns 2009